“What Kind of Virgin are You?”

"What kind of virgin are you?"

"What kind of virgin are you?"

I remember as a teen making fun of other teens who claimed to be virgins, even though I, myself, was one. Us guys especially gave the girls a hard time. You know, they were the uncool ones, the prude ones who didn’t “put out.” Being a guy, these girls fell into one of two categories: 1) “no chance” and 2) “chance.” The “no chance” girls were the girls who were openly virgins that had shot down every guy that tried to “dethrone” her. The “chance” girls were the ones that allowed the guy to go somewhat “far,” but not all the way. The “no chance” girls were just too much trouble and a waste of time, in our hormonal teen minds. But the “chance” girls gave every hormonal guy hope. By the way, I am aware that specifying “hormonal” in regards to a teen boy includes about 99.9999999% of them. Some girls weren’t even close to the edge, while others were oh so close to the edge. Over this edge meant, not losing their virginity, but giving it away to some “lucky” boy, as we saw it at the time. As a daddy to three daughters, thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. Even writing this makes me sick. Nevertheless, I’ll write honestly because that’s all that makes sense to me.

So what was the difference between the two sets of virgins? They were both virgins, but one was closer to giving away perhaps the most precious thing a woman can give away, herself in sexual intimacy. Those close to the edge probably wouldn’t make it through their senior year without having sex and statistics prove that concept today don’t they? Sad. But those who were “no chance” virgins were strong and had a greater chance of making it through high school, college, and even to marriage without losing their virginity. They could endure through the long haul. Why? Because their commitment to purity was more than an intellectual or mental decision. It was a spiritual decision. It would have to be to defend against the wiles of hormonal boys, the manipulations, and the lure of romance. A deep spiritual rooting was their only hope. They were all virgins, but not all were virgins for long unfortunately.

Jesus tells a parable regarding ten virgins. They were all virgins and were all waiting for the groom to come and get them. He would come get them at an unannounced time and take them, along with their family and friends, back to his place for a celebration…a party. They waited and waited and waited…and waited and waited and waited. Finally, around midnight he arrives and someone startles the virgins with a loud shout saying, “Wake up! He’s here for you!” Five of the virgins had enough oil for their lamp to keep it lit long enough to get to the groom in the dark (it’s midnight for crying out loud) and five did not. I mean, who was expecting the groom to show up at midnight?

The five virgins who had enough oil anticipated that the groom might come back during the day or during the night. They were looking so forward to their marriage that there was no way they were going to miss this moment! They knew he would be coming and it was so important they made sure they were ready.

The five virgins who didn’t have enough oil got tired of waiting perhaps (?). Perhaps they concluded he wasn’t coming. Or perhaps they weren’t really that committed to him. Whatever the reason, they decided to live on the edge and “chance it” with this special moment. Why? Because the delay, the time that passed, separated those near the edge from those who were fully committed.

Jesus is coming back soon. You may see Him at death or He may come back before then. But when He comes back, will you be prepared? Will you be found with a lamp full of oil or will you be caught just sliding by, just doing enough? Is Jesus your crutch or is Jesus your stretcher? What kind of virgin will you be when He comes back? What kind of virgin are you today?

“Father, thank You for Your Word. Convict me painfully of my complacency. I repent now of neglecting You and Your Word. I surrender to You, fully, right now, in this moment. Forgive me, Lord. Give me courage and strength to die today to Your will, for Your purposes alone. I am Yours. Amen.”

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2 comments

  1. Yeah, some of the “no chance” girls might have acted the way they did because of a deep commitment to spiritual purity for the sake of Christ. If so, that’s both admirable and encouraging. They are to be commended.

    But chances are (no pun intended) that this was only very rarely the case. When parents and church leaders preach constantly about all the virtues and glories of purity, it very frequently becomes a goal even more important than Christ. “It doesn’t matter how much I ignore wise counsel or neglect my relationship with God or seek the approval of the world; as long as I’m still a virgin I’m good.” That’s not purity; that’s self-righteousness.

    Even worse was the plight of the girls who genuinely desired purity so much that they would do anything to maintain it. It had been drilled into their heads that their virginity was the most important thing they had. Because of that, they kept themselves in a constant circle of guilt, depending on fear of failure to keep them from ever falling. This guilt bred more guilt, and they latched onto it eagerly, afraid that if they let go and trusted Christ alone that they might fail.

    And girls from both of these groups were devastated if and when they did fail. In their parents’ and leaders’ insistence on purity, they came to believe that their virginity was the greatest value they possessed. Without that, they reasoned, they were relatively worthless. What was the purpose of pursuing holiness if the one thing that makes you holy is gone?

    It is good to preach on the virtues of purity. But we cannot make purity more important than Christ. If purity becomes the end and purpose of our young women, they will sacrifice anything — particularly their relationship with God and the knowledge that they are worth more than their virginity — to maintain it.

    A woman of God who has been redeemed from past mistakes and trusts Christ rather than a false notion of purity is far better off than the girls who equate virginity with righteousness or the girls who depend on guilt and fear to keep them safe. We would do well to keep that in mind, lest our desire for purity be mistaken for prudish, self-absorbed Pharisaicalism. Women are worth so much more than their virginity.

  2. I agree with the comment above…If you’re into taking the article to an extreme that I don’t believe the writer was going into. I am a woman, and his post encouraged me. I humbly believe, it was meant to just encourage young ladies to live a higher standard. Not to get into a debate. AND you are right. The longing for purity should be second nature coming from a heart deeply in love with Jesus. Otherwise, it could become a bunch of rules for the family rather than a standard and conviction worth standing up for.

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